Police
- Nick
- Blackwood
- Posts: 3641
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:20 am
- Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
- Contact:
Police
How do you tell the difference between an NZ Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you..
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do ?
ANSWER:
NZ Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?
5) Am I dressed provocatively ?
6) Could I run away ?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?
Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie... Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you..
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do ?
ANSWER:
NZ Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?
5) Am I dressed provocatively ?
6) Could I run away ?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?
Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie... Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"
"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
Re: Police
...STOP Nick, my belly hurts!!! I just spent the last 12 mths on a construction site at West Aus with a bunch of Kiwi's & bro's...indecisive lot at workings, but great to be around socially
Keep em coming!!!
Gaz
Keep em coming!!!
Gaz
Re: Police
My last interaction with the Kiwi cops was late one night just after I'd had some deviant (not unusual for Christchurch) standing at my bedroom window whacking himself off. I must say the two cops who turned up (quickly) took it all seriously and did their job in a professional manner despite the whole event having a bit of a weird funny side to it.
Martin
- Dennis Leahy
- Blackwood
- Posts: 872
- Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:32 am
- Location: Duluth, MN, US
- Contact:
Re: Police
So, after firing 12 times, the American cop didn't kick the corpse a few times too? Bloody hell! Must have immigrated from somewhere else..maybe Canada.
Dennis
Dennis
Another damn Yank!
Re: Police
If the cop kicked the corpse then he'd be up on an assault charge....Dennis Leahy wrote:So, after firing 12 times, the American cop didn't kick the corpse a few times too? Bloody hell! Must have immigrated from somewhere else..maybe Canada.
Dennis
Martin
Re: Police
kiwigeo wrote:My last interaction with the Kiwi cops was late one night just after I'd had some deviant (not unusual for Christchurch) standing at my bedroom window whacking himself off.
Hmmm...Dressing provocatively were we Marty??
- Bob Connor
- Admin
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- Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2007 9:43 pm
- Location: Geelong, Australia
- Contact:
Re: Police
He must have been wearing the sheepskin jacket.
- Nick
- Blackwood
- Posts: 3641
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:20 am
- Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
- Contact:
Re: Police
Backless chaps, now Allen's finished with themKim wrote: Hmmm...Dressing provocatively were we Marty??
"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
Re: Police
Martin
-
- Blackwood
- Posts: 146
- Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2011 3:09 pm
- Location: Perth, WA
Re: Police
Reminds me of one time I was going poaching with my brother and cousin on the outskirts of Glasgow:
We enjoyed some light relief (quite a lot actually) at a local pub while we waited for darkness, and for the game-keeper to "relax". It doesn't get dark till late in Scotland, in summer.
Anyway we headed off and my brother decided he was the worse for wear and could I drive? OK. He pulled over and before I even had a chance to get into gear a police car pulled in front of us and another behind. The detective in charge was wearing a leather jacket and took the belt from it and wrapped it around his knuckles and directed me to the car behind. "Shit", I thought, I'm in for a hiding and we'll be locked up for the long weekend before court on Tuesday. They asked Ian and James some questions, then back to me with the same before opening the boot. "F***" now we're really stuffed; my cousin had a shotgun in one of the fishing rod bags (just in case we spot a deer, he said).
Ahh, "F***ing poachers", said our friendly host. "Awrrright lads, onyirr way!"
He then turned to me and asked if I would be putting in any complaints? "Not at all, it's been an adventure, nice to know you're keeping the streets safe", says I. He then suggested my brother should drive as he could smell the booze on me.................! I wondered if they'd be hiding round the corner just so they could catch us again.
We enjoyed some light relief (quite a lot actually) at a local pub while we waited for darkness, and for the game-keeper to "relax". It doesn't get dark till late in Scotland, in summer.
Anyway we headed off and my brother decided he was the worse for wear and could I drive? OK. He pulled over and before I even had a chance to get into gear a police car pulled in front of us and another behind. The detective in charge was wearing a leather jacket and took the belt from it and wrapped it around his knuckles and directed me to the car behind. "Shit", I thought, I'm in for a hiding and we'll be locked up for the long weekend before court on Tuesday. They asked Ian and James some questions, then back to me with the same before opening the boot. "F***" now we're really stuffed; my cousin had a shotgun in one of the fishing rod bags (just in case we spot a deer, he said).
Ahh, "F***ing poachers", said our friendly host. "Awrrright lads, onyirr way!"
He then turned to me and asked if I would be putting in any complaints? "Not at all, it's been an adventure, nice to know you're keeping the streets safe", says I. He then suggested my brother should drive as he could smell the booze on me.................! I wondered if they'd be hiding round the corner just so they could catch us again.
Ken
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