Joke...with a bad taste warning

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kiwigeo
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Joke...with a bad taste warning

Post by kiwigeo » Wed May 20, 2015 4:20 pm

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, a sergeant and a younger constable. The sergeant says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately; some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'

The constable says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Me and the sarge here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.

The sergeant says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crayfish and four or five crabs in it.

'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that ..... So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the sergeant says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!
Martin

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Nick
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Re: Joke...with a bad taste warning

Post by Nick » Thu May 21, 2015 6:04 am

Shit, just spat coffee over me bloody screen! :oops:
The thought that came to mind was "Only in Aussie!"
"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.

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kiwigeo
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Re: Joke...with a bad taste warning

Post by kiwigeo » Thu May 21, 2015 10:23 pm

Its gets worse:

Two Aussies, Ferret & Knackers, were adrift in a life boat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions Ferret
stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie!
This genie, however was a little different. He stated he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought, Ferret blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher. The genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two
men considered their circumstances Knackers looked disgustedly at Ferret
whose wish it was that had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment
Knackers said, "Nice going Dickhead!

Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
Martin

Lex
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Re: Joke...with a bad taste warning

Post by Lex » Wed May 27, 2015 2:06 pm

Two Irishmen walk into a Bar ...........You would think one of them would have seen it.

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Re: Joke...with a bad taste warning

Post by kiwigeo » Wed May 27, 2015 5:50 pm

Lex wrote:Two Irishmen walk into a Bar ...........You would think one of them would have seen it.
LOL..had to think about that one for a minute...
Martin

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