Dunnies - Warning Potty Humour

[kiwigeo]

Im bored so lets talk about rig dunnies.

Out here on the rig Im currently working on we have vacum toilets. Once youve done your business you press the button and in theroy all the doo doo gets sucked away down into the bowels of the rig where it all goes into a big tank. Unfortunately theory and practice are two totlly different things and vacum toilets are prone to two problems - 1. blocking and 2. just not working.

So the trick with using a vacum toilet is to use the following procedure:

1. flush dunny twice to check its still alive
2. Do the deed...flushing every 5 minutes to check the toilet is still working and heaving a huge sigh of relief when it does work.
3. Wipe
4. Flush again
5. Flush again just to make sure the dunny is working for the next person and also to reasure yourself that you didnt imagine that the dunny has just worked faultlessly right through the whole process.

Anyway tduring this mornings usual ablutions I followed steps 1 through 3 and things were looking good....I was going to finish the job without any problems. Unfortunately step 3 was as far as I got.......despite frantic pressing of the button the toilet just wouldnt flush...all it did was make a pathetic hissing noise followed by a sick gurgling sound.

So it was time to call The Motorman.....who's unfortunate task it is to deal with renegade dunnies. The man appeared after a few minutes with what we call 'The Rocket". The Rocket is a large stainless steel device that looks like a large hypodermic syringe. The Rocket gets shoved down the dunny and attached to a cold tap and hopefully the charge of air and water cleans the blockage out of the system. If the blockage doesnt clear then often contents of the bowl get ejected back at The Motorman...who then trapses off hoping that the showers are working better than the toilets

Thankfully after a couple of goes with The Rocket the toilet leapt back into life and I was off the hook with my modesty and honour restored.

As an aside The Motorman doesnt have the worst job on the rig....that honour goes to the Maintenance Man whos job it is to go down into the sewerage plant and crack the lid on the holding tank when things crap out at the arse end of the system.

[Allen]

I was under the impression that it was a badge of honor to be able to block the dunnie? Seems that rig workers operate at a totally different level, and have lifted their game far above that of us mere mortals.

[Kim]

Wouldn't it just be easier to cut out the middle man and get a rocket installed in ur ass Martin?

[Nick]

2. Do the deed...flushing every 5 minutes to check the toilet is still working and heaving a huge sigh of relief when it does work.

every 5 Minutes? I couldn't spend that long on the dunny, I'm a Dambusters theory kinda guy....get in there, drop your load then get out. I can never understand people that manage to get through half of War & Peace in one sitting...why would you want to hang about?

Before I worked at the Uni I worked for the drainage board so I was 'in the business' so to speak. I never forget we had a project where we were experimenting with the sludge/sediment from the treatment plant being used as fertiliser. I built the pilot plant to test if it was going to be any good, which involved carting the stuff out to Burwood plantation and spraying it on the gound in amongst the trees. The system used one of those lawn sprinklers you see with a swinging arm to break up the flow, except ours used a big arsed version of it. Occasionally a stone would get into the sludge and block the nozzle of the sprinkler. I would have to reverse the pumps to relieve the system pressure (about 80 psi) then trapse out and unscrew the nozzle to unblock it.
It did it once and I couldn't reverse the pumps fully for some reason, so there was still some pressure in the line. My offsider offered to go and unblock the nozzle, of course being the generous type, who was I to turn down his offer? He unscrewed it almost to the end before the residual line pressure did it for him, he got covered head to toe in the stuff, even his glasses got a good coating. I didn't want to laugh (much) but the sight of him covered head to toe in black crap but with just a couple of white circles where he had removed his glasses...had us unable to stand upright for ages.

[Allen]

Nothing like allowing a man to reach his full potential hey Nick?

[Nick]

Nothing like allowing a man to reach his full potential hey Nick?

[Hesh1956]

I had Mexican food last night with a lot of hot sauce - can we talk about something else please?

[Lillian]

Hope you had ice cream for dessert.

[kiwigeo]

I had an airline meal 2 weeks ago and am still waiting for the goods to come through.

[kiwigeo]

Whoa this thread is degenerating....

[Lillian]

Sounds like MRE's to me.

[kiwigeo]

Oh sod it..might as well pull out all the stops and get it out of my system....

[Hesh1956]

Whoa this thread is degenerating....

Not at all and I was going to ask you Martin if you would post a tutorial?

Also this rocket thing.... do you think that we could solve the Iranian push to develop nuclear weapons by agreeing to sell them some of these rockets - used ones of course?

[Nick]

Whoa this thread is degenerating....

You started it